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There is no 'trying' - you either do or you don't.

There's simply no 'trying' in life - regardless, something will be done. I've been thinking about this quite a bit lately and the concept of trying has been coming up often. We often say "I'll try to... make it to the party, clean the house tonight, eat healthier, be more intentionally while connecting with people..." the list goes on and on. If you truly tried to you would, don't you think? It all comes down to decisions made - if you try TO go to the party, you decide to attend. If you subconsciously try NOT to go, you won't attend. Communicating to people that you will TRY to do things creates distrust and miscommunication. Giving false impressions of your commitment and lead to disappointment cracks in relationships.

While this most often happens between oneself and their friends, family and colleagues, it also happens within ourselves. We "try" to be a better friend, get up earlier in the morning, take care of our mental health, be more connected to our partner, be more positive, be more spiritual, keep a clean space within our home. Ultimately, it ends up happening or it doesn't right? And how are we holding ourselves accountable while setting ourselves up to achieve?

I encourage you to COMMIT. Commit to what you say you are going to do and who you are going to be. A mantra I've been living by is "if it's not a hell YES, it's a hell NO" and this tactic has worked wonders to protect my space and time while opening time for what truly matters. In a moment of decision making - think can I commit to this 100% or will I likely drop the ball. If you'll likely drop the ball, don't commit. "Trying" has been conceptualized as a positive action, but it's not. Trying is false commitment and the lazy way of saying "I might find time to do XYZ, but if I don't feel like it, I won't." Falsely committing confuses your inner self, and makes you more likely to repeatedly drop the ball and not follow through with your 'try.'

Here are some helpful examples -

Telling yourself "I'll try to live a healthier life this week." Have you set yourself up for success or do you still have unhealthy leftovers in your fridge, the house is a mess, and you don't have an exercise plan in place? Truly intending to live a healthier life comes with preparation and commitment. You must set yourself up for success or else the negative 'try' will win. Commit to "I am living my healthiest life this week because I meal prepped and grocery shopped, have a journal set next to my bed for the morning, have workout classes booked, and have the house clean with new plants on the table." If you're on a disciplined journey of health, perhaps you say no to the happy hour and no to the birthday cake at the party.

Telling your team/friend "I'll try to go to the networking event tonight." Before offering the 'try' to events, ask yourself "what is holding me back from saying yes?" Answer these questions to yourself and consider the answers to form a committed decision.

  • Do you have time on calendar (include get ready time, drive time and present time)

  • Would it be beneficial to your life in the sense of meeting someone new or learning something new? If yes to both, go. If you have time AND it would be beneficial to your life then it is worth it.

  • How would you be spending the time otherwise? If the answer to the first two questions is 'yes' and the answer to this is simply relax, then you should go. Generally, there is always time to relax, and if there are true benefits to going, the event will likely reenergize you more than two hours in front of the TV.

Telling your partner "I'll try to clean up night." If you know you won't get home until late, you're exhausted, etc. and likely won't do it, do not tell them you'll try. Instead, think about your honest feelings and internally say "I'm not going to get to it tonight, but will do it tomorrow." Often times, envisioning the latter statement (of reality) is hard because you see the unreliability right in front of you. You see that you're telling someone you might do something knowing you'll let it go and convince yourself that since you didn't commit and just said you'd try that it's acceptable. You see the reality that you're not going to commit and therefore drop the ball either for yourself or someone else. The hope is that over time, when you consider saying "try" you commit and achieve.


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